A Lesson for New High School Students

Workday - (none)

It's my last official day of vacation. Only the upcoming long-weekend remains before it's time for the evil "back-to-school".

How did I spend my vacation, you ask? I moved into my very own house. Yes, it is pretty sweet. And yes, it's only a 7-minute drive from my school. I am officially a suburbanite, and feeling old. But it's hard to feel bad about that when the livin' is this good.

Today's post is supposed to be directed at new high school students, but it really applies to all high school students. Perhaps even all students.

Lesson: Teachers are smarter than you.

I know, I know. You're pretty sure that's wrong. After all, if someone you already know has inferior intelligence and wisdom tells you she is smarter, it's certainly inadmissible testimony.

While there may be little I can say to convince you, consider the following:

We were your age once, too. No matter how long ago it was, no matter how "different things were back then", much about being a teenager stays the same. The difference now is, we have the experience of being a teenager, plus several more years! During those added years, we've been surrounded by further teenagers (your older peers) who also pulled the same crap. Some of us even have teenaged children.

We know what you're doing. We know what you just went off and did. And we know what that word means.

Many times you will get away with it. When teachers do not acknowledge that particular "bad thing" you did, it's because we're choosing to ignore it. We choose our battles. It's one of the things we learned in those years spent after being teens, ourselves. Don't worry, you'll learn it one day too.

Keep in mind, whatever it was you just "got away with" will be remembered. You may not have gotten in trouble for it today, but teachers will be judging you later because of it. We could be thinking about it for the rest of the course -- when we mark your tests, when we write your report card, and when you ask us for some favour down the road.

We might even blog about it.

An Addendum To The Lesson

I really had a lot more I wanted to say on the topic of that post, so I decided I'd write a separate entry with more of the specifics.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard (or overheard) a student say "I can't believe she didn't notice!" Then they glance back at me and continue assuming I'm from another planet.

I know you weren't actually in the bathroom.

I know the reason you were late for class wasn't because the vice principal was holding you prisoner in the hall.

I see you trying to pass a message to your friend.

I know you have earbuds on, hidden underneath your hair.

I can smell that crap you're eating.

I also smell that you smoked pot before class.

And yeah, I heard what you just called me.

The reason I decided to direct this lesson at new students (a.k.a. the new class of grade 9s, or "freshmen") is because the level of naiveté is significantly higher in that year. It only makes sense. If you're younger and more naive than every other high school student, and you assume teachers are dumber than you, then that would put teachers at the level of drooling idiots.

Consider the 18-year-old, grade 11 student who liked to burst out in "Lil John" impressions (years ago when it was still trendy, and not as tired as it is now). He certainly impressed his classmates by doing so without getting a single comment out of me. I presumed he was hoping I'd ask what the hell he was doing, at some point. Except I know what he was doing. I know who Lil John is and, yes, I even watch Chappelle's Show.

After a few weeks, his impressions climaxed in a proud exclamation of "skeet skeet skeet!" The class snickered. I, at the board with my back to the class, rolled my eyes. He whispered to them, "she doesn't know what that means."

Yes I do.

Now consider the grade 9 student who said, right to my face "Don't let him go to the washroom, Miss. He's going to go jack off!" (*shock and stifled giggles from the few classmates that overheard*).

This kid isn't even hoping I didn't hear him. While he is looking for attention, he somehow expects I'll be stupefied by this foreign series of sounds that just came out of his mouth.

I narrowed my eyes to the utmost and responded flatly, "(Student's name), don't be rude."

He turned to his friend in what I imagine was a mixture of surprise and guilt, and whispered "Oh my god, she knew what that was!"

Sweet Jesus. Yes, that's just how ignorant grade 9s think we are. All the while, I'm learning a lot about the students' own ignorance. Every little thing they try to get past us is likely something they had recently learned, themselves.

So remember kids, teachers know. Sometimes, we just don't care.